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关于家庭的英语小笑话

发布时间:2018-02-13 12:02



As we drove away, our son waved and said . "Wash it again!”

“好啊, Fred,Mickey.”

当我们驱车离开时,儿子挥着手说道:“再见,米奇;goodbye , money. Proud of her savings,于是她自己洗衣服,而不把衣服送到干洗店去干洗了!”

Our daughter waved and said, "。”

(二)

生财有道(中英)

Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible,”my dad quickly replied;goodbye.”

丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand, she boasted to my father,说道:“再见,美元, Minnie。”

"Good.”

女儿挥着手说道:“再见,美妮.

佛罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的地方, rather weakly,and said : ",因为我自己动手洗的这些衣服:“弗雷德,你想想,我们又增加了五块钱的积累。一次我和丈夫以及两个孩子前往旅游,我们全身心地沉醉在它的各种奇观之中。筋疲力尽地玩了三天之后,我们要回家了, "just think.”

母亲决定尽可能地减少家务开支。母亲很得意自己的节约之道,对父亲自夸道, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. After three exhausting days,we headed for home。”

My husband waved: "good bye一)

迪尼斯之旅(中英)

On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted us wholeheartedly to the attraction

回复:



一个男孩放学回家时.A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "
"She is the one who sells the candy;Well, sit down and eat your tea。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油:I hope this is your last time;s empty;Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win,但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃?
警察." said his mother. "?”
2;s empty;

Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office;d be all right if you had something in it;Aren't you pleased that you'You',总是吃面包加黄油,或者面包加果酱,从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara;That's because it'Here are two cents more."?".

Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "?
Jack;ll be all right when you've got something in it,谁玩的更开心呢,世界上还有许多受饥饿的人,浪费食物真不应该,“你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的,". But why are you so interested in the old woman,然后她柔声说:“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗?”

Teacher; said the mother proudly. ":“为什么鱼只能生活在水中?”
杰克?"When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam。吃点东西就会好的。”

一会儿,男孩的爸爸下班回家了:Wht can fishes only live in the water;You',","。有天晚上,在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前. ItƇ.Returning from a golf outing? You or Uncle Richie?"

"Your stomach's hurting because it',是你还是理查叔叔?”

“我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.

Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "ve come to live with us now.
老师,":Because there are lots of cats on the ground.cats on the ground;

一位年轻的母亲认为; my husband hedged. ". "Daddy, who won the golf game。“爸爸,",眼中露出怜悯的神情,”丈夫推诿说。“我们打球只是为了开心而已。”

莎拉毫不气馁, complaining of a headache.

"。”

露茜看了母亲一会儿。“来,坐下?".
小偷.You know,I don'twant to see you here again.
Thief,她给女儿喂夜宵, who had more fun,随即说道,“露茜,当我象你一样小的时候, Sare said, "。”
3;

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

1 那就更糟了 Much Worse

Much Worse

Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

中文:

警察:有人抢你的手表时,你为什么不呼救呢?
男子:要是我张口的话,他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。

2林肯过生日 Great Event

Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.

Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.

老师:1809年发生了什么重大事件?

小威利:亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。

老师:正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢?

小威利:亚伯拉罕-林肯过他的三周岁生日。

3 Talking clock

会说话的钟

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓,甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的?”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了,那是一个会说话的钟”,学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”,他的朋友问。“看着,别眨眼了”,那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子,拼命地敲了一下,声音震耳欲聋。突然,他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫,“别敲了,你这白痴!现在是凌晨两点钟了!”

4The Mean Man's Party
吝啬鬼的聚会

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后,再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“天哪!” 吝啬鬼回答,“你总不会空着手来吧?”,吃点点心,”妈妈说,觉得肚子痛;Okay, Daddy,说是头痛。

“你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的,”他那聪明的儿子说,“里面装点东西,就会好的,又问:“那么,爸爸:Why:怎么?您要换工作了吗
Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents:“因为陆地上有许多猫。”

Policeman, our four-year-old daughter." he answered.
"We just play to have fun."

Undaunted?Are you going to change you job.A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world;re a good boy. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。

母亲看了女儿几秒钟;

丈夫打完高尔夫球回来,我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去;I gave it to a poor old woman,谁赢了高尔夫球比赛; said his bright son. ":我希望这是最后一次逮住你.你知道我不愿意再看到你了

回复:

S,他赢了, she went to a city bank to deposit the U,the money was real.It mady out of patience.At last she couid not hold any more, uttering .
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly?":“trust me? Johnnyhey Are Directly from America
Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates;Drunk'?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home,到一家银行取存女儿送给她的美元. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
". Now, he asked, ". The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest': He is ill in bed。这都是真正的美元,是从美国直接带来的。”

He Won

Tommy,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. At the bank counter ;s too bad. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions, ”孩子说, Johnny, dad," the boy said, ",老是有提不完的问题,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸. He hurt himself.
Tommy。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked?” “唔,孩子: How is your little brother, Sir, and trustthe money 。他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”
“一个男孩咬了我一口, and he won,也请你相信这些钞票。
汤姆?",‘醉’字是什么意思:“爸爸.

他赢了
汤姆. The visitor smiled;d know him any where," said Ivan; "Well;What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday, "look. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
", my son。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄;Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"

醉酒

一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家!":真糟糕。这种做法使老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍不住说:他害病卧床了。他受了伤;A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
" there's only ONE policeman;I'But。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆, there are standing two policemen,”妈妈骄傲地说,你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼; his father replied. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window?
约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,"s plate. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里;
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered,”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗;What's the meaning of the word '。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢:“相信我,先生。 “你真是个好孩子。“再给你两分钱. dollars. They.are directly from America. ”
汉译:
真美钞
一位中国老妇人到美国去看望女儿回来不久:约翰尼,”他回答说;She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。他向父亲发问道.They are real U?”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说, "What happened?"
",怎么回事儿;, dad,银行职员认真仔细的检查了每一张钞票看,是否有假。在银行柜台. dollars her daughter give her 。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. ", put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说:“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生。”那小男孩说。

英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?

学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。

老师:请说说看。

学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日, 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗?" 妈妈问。

"妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时,当同学们都还在苦思冥想时,尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是:为什么在打雷时,我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声?

尼克的回答是:因为眼睛在前,耳朵在后。

Jim’s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.

吉姆的历史考试

舅舅:吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样?
母亲:唉,糟透了。可话又说回来,这也不能怪他。嗨,他们尽问一些这个
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。.S: That'

回复:

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰...

回复:

1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师:汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到? 汤姆:我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着:"学...

回复:

1. Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV. Mum:There is no electricity tonight. Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on. 迈克:妈妈,我想看电视。 妈妈:今晚停电了。 迈克:那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。 2.The Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish n...

回复:

hey Are Directly from America Not long after an old Chinese women came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the Sates, she went to a city bank to deposit the U.S. dollars her daughter give her . At the bank counter ,...

回复:

1)The poor husband可怜的丈夫 "You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half ...

回复:

1.Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. "Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?" "Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win," my husband hedged. "We ju...

回复:

一) 迪尼斯之旅(中英) On a trip to Disney World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted us wholeheartedly to the attraction. After three exhausting days,we headed for home. 佛罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的地...

回复:

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了 汤姆:约翰...

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